Soldiers of Pearl 2: Healing Souls (Siren Publishing LoveXtreme Forever)
Soldiers of Pearl 2: Healing Souls
Sometimes the greatest fight one has, is the one within themselves. Cora only knows abuse and pain. She no longer believes that any man would want her after all she has sustained. Her focus is on her children and making a future for them of love, safety and security. She’s determined to be independent, to resist the anxiety attacks that rule her life, and to start anew.
When her sister challenges her capabilities, Cora sets out to prove her wrong. She never expects to win the hearts of five very intimidating, personally scarred soldiers. But the connection they feel, the shared losses, the vulnerability and challenges, are common between them. The love and compassion they show toward her children alters her belief that these men are cold hearted commanding men. Can she identify and accept true love, when it appears out of nowhere? Or are the scars of her past too deep to let anyone in? When danger appears closer then feared, Cora could lose it all.
Genre: Contemporary, Ménage a Trois/Quatre
Length: 73,558 words
SOLDIERS OF PEARL 2: HEALING SOULS
Dixie Lynn Dwyer
LOVEXTREME FOREVER
Siren Publishing, Inc.
www.SirenPublishing.com
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A SIREN PUBLISHING BOOK
IMPRINT: LoveXtreme Forever
SOLDIERS OF PEARL 2: HEALING SOULS
Copyright © 2014 by Dixie Lynn Dwyer
E-book ISBN: 978-1-63258-530-1
First E-book Publication: October 2014
Cover design by Les Byerley
All art and logo copyright © 2014 by Siren Publishing, Inc.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED: This literary work may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, including electronic or photographic reproduction, in whole or in part, without express written permission.
All characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.
PUBLISHER
Siren Publishing, Inc.
www.SirenPublishing.com
Letter to Readers
Dear Readers,
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DEDICATION
Dear readers,
Thank you for purchasing this legal copy of Soldiers of Pearl, book 2.
Sometimes the greatest fight one has is the one within themselves. It must be so scary to only know abuse and pain, and become accustomed to it. But even worse, to hide behind that pain and still give love, show compassion for others even though you’re hurting so deeply inside.
That is Cora’s burden.
Alone, on a more intimate level, believing that no one could ever love her so deeply, and fully with their body, heart and soul.
Yet she holds on to her one and only focus, her children Liam and Julia. Her hope is to make them proud, to provide for them, fight for them, and to protect them as only a mother can.
It is in this time when she is adamant about not failing that true love arrives.
Is she ready? Does she even recognize the signs?
Enjoy Cora’s story, as the power of love seems to reveal itself and just in the nick of time.
Happy reading.
Hugs!
~Dixie~
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Epilogue
About the Author
SOLDIERS OF PEARL 2: HEALING SOULS
DIXIE LYNN DWYER
Copyright © 2014
Prologue
She said writing down my fears, talking about the things, events, and people that scare me, may help to take them away or minimize their power so I can move on with my life. Others, some women in the shelter I’ve become friendly with, say by talking about those fears, by writing about the people and things I am most afraid of, can actually bring those things, those people more power over me.
I’m not sure what I feel, except that the constant ache, the pain in the pit of my stomach never lessens. It doesn’t matter what happy things I see before me or even pretend to engage in, I still have that sensation in my gut. If I think about it and try to make it go away, the pain leads to my chest and the anxiety attacks begin.
I’m weak.
I always have been. I accept that, and maybe that’s where I went wrong.
I think when I was born God didn’t give me that inner strength, that self-confidence and determination Arabella has.
I wish I were more like my sister.
She tries so hard to help me get stronger. But I don’t have her spirit, her drive, and her enthusiasm toward life’s potential.
I try to loosen the strings. Try to make decisions, take some chances without Arabella’s insight or guidance, but it’s hard. I’m so scared and the feelings of insecurity are more than taking their toll on me. It’s depressing, sickening, and I’m fed up with it.
I focus on Liam and Julia. My babies, they are my life and my everything.
I cannot ever fail them again. They are two good things, miracles that came out of such a dark, abusive relationship.
They represent my past. Yes. But they are my present and my future. Without them, there is nothing. There is no reason to
go on with life. If it weren’t for them I would have ended my life years ago.
I wish things had been different. I know it sounds so cliché but it’s very true. If I knew then what I know now, my choices would have been very different.
I never would have fallen for Anthony’s charms and commanding personality. I liked how tough he was, how he ordered and people jumped. He was sexy, charismatic, and had an amazing body. When he held me in his arms I felt safe in the beginning. I was petite, and he was so big it made me feel feminine and cared for. I even liked how firm he was in handling me, but not in the abuse I sustained from those hands I once craved to be touched by, and caressed with.
He ruined me in so many ways it made me sick with disgust in myself. I could never trust a man again. I could never allow one so close they could use me, manipulate me like Anthony had done.
Camille helped me to realize that I was searching for that father figure in my life, a man to lean on and be protected by because I didn’t have a father. My dad took off on us when Arabella and I were little. But not little enough to forget the yelling, the fighting between him and Mom, or the way he treated her.
I used to think that love was just like in the fairy tales, the stories about princesses. I wanted that, and I think I held on to the ideology that if I opened up my heart, if I gave all of myself, to Anthony, then he would be that prince, that man of my dreams. I was never so wrong in my life. The reality hit me hard again. I am weak. I am easily manipulated, and I just can’t have a normal relationship with anyone. Being alone is the best place for me to be.
I may never fall in love. I don’t want to because I’ll always have that sensation in my gut saying that that person wasn’t being honest, forthright, but instead using me. I may never even be able to date never mind become intimate with a man again out of fear of abuse, and so much more, but I will always have my babies to love and to care for. Arabella saved our lives, but it’s up to me to save our future.
I need to change for them, for me and start over. I have to show Arabella and Mom that I’m stronger now and capable of handling a job, a commitment to my life, and making it better for Liam and Julia.
I pray every night that the police find Anthony. But knowing he is free, out there hiding, possibly lurking in the shadows, keeps that pain in my gut, the anxiety and fear burning strong. I will not let him take my children away from me. I must get stronger. I must continue to work to find the strength within in me to live on, to protect my babies, and ultimately, to be free. I need to. I have to. He cannot win.
Cora lifted her head up from the pages of her journal and looked at the lake, the beautiful park in the center of town. She released a long sigh. Heart heavy, that sensation and fear that was eating her alive, burned within her. She closed her journal and looked out toward the lake. She was sitting on the bench in town. Liam was in preschool across the street, and Julia in kindergarten. They both attended the morning sessions so it gave her time to work on her journal like Camille had suggested she do for therapy.
It had been a year since Kever and Anthony crashed into the truck Arabella was driving on the way into Turbank. It was a whole year of therapy, terrible headaches, continued nightmares, anxiety attacks, and living in fear. All because Anthony got away and she nearly died from her head injury and, of course, her weak personality.
She sighed as she looked around, absorbing the people, all the families walking around and men pushing strollers, women smiling and enjoying their men’s company. This town was perfection, and she felt imperfect. But there was no place to go, to leave to. She was living in constant fear, and would continue to until Anthony was captured or killed. She was tired of this life, of being exhausted and feeling like some sort of zombie in her everyday activities. The stupidest things bothered her. The sound of something crashing to the floor. The loud honk of a horn, the blare of sirens, the insecure feeling of panic she had in crowds of people, even small groups of people. I’m tired of it. I’m so damn tired of it.
She was okay around Arabella and her men, but kept her distance. She sat with the wall to her back so she could keep an eye on everything around her. Even now, she chose the bench in front of the tall, solid tree. The one nearest to the playground where people were so in case someone tried to grab her from behind she could scream for help. She closed her eyes and prayed that the children were safe. She wanted to watch over them constantly and that was why she came here, and sat close to the schools. She felt the tightness in her chest, the sense of anxiety of not knowing if the kids were really okay. The only thing to make this sensation go away was to see for herself that they were fine. But she couldn’t go into the school and ask to see them. The staff would allow it. They were so understanding, but it wasn’t good for Cora to allow the anxiety to remain in control. She needed to get a grip.
She looked in their direction and spotted deputy Cason Parks. He was walking up toward her and she closed her eyes, felt her chest tighten. Does he have bad news for me? Wouldn’t Rex or Reno come tell me if something was wrong? She swallowed hard. Everything about this man made her nervous. He always came around when she was in town. He even visited Arabella’s place. Did he not trust her? Did he fear her causing a public scene with one of her anxiety attacks? A few months back, initially after the attack, Cora had a few spells. With counseling and building up her self-confidence those anxiety attacks were lessening. She wasn’t fragile like people said. Anger pooled in her belly.
“Good afternoon, Cora,” he said, and she looked up, lip quivering, she bit it to stop it, and he crunched his eyebrows together. The man was very attractive, with blond hair, cut neat and tight, and blue eyes, the color of a summer sky.
“Afternoon,” she whispered. She was instantly nervous, heard the quivering in her voice. She couldn’t help it. She was fragile, weak, and he was intimidating, strong, and of course extremely attractive. One of the women, Gina, from Francine’s restaurant, had her eye on him and his friends, Asher, Avery, Beau, and Blade. Blade and Beau were hard, older men. They caused some kind of reaction in her every time she saw one of them. She couldn’t quite describe what it was. Her belly kind of tingled, her palms became sweaty, and she felt nervous. Cason in uniform doubled the sensations.
“I saw you up here, writing, and thought I would say hello, and see how everything was going. How are the kids?” he asked, leaning his hand on his gun and holster as he watched her, Stetson and all. It hung low over his brow, slightly hiding his blue eyes that roamed over her slowly then back to her eyes. He didn’t quite smile. It was like he was gauging her reaction to him. She could smell his nice cologne. That did something to her too. Made her have a small ache of attraction, and she swallowed hard, dismissing her own stupidity. Been there, done that, got the scars to prove it.
He was an attractive man all around. So why was he talking to her?
“Yes, just waiting for the kids to finish up from school.” She twisted her fingers together and then pretended that he didn’t make her nervous. He did. All men did. That was one obstacle she would need to overcome if she wanted to better her and her children’s lives. She would need to better adapt to society and all types of people. Just keep her heart locked up and her naiveté under control. Bad people preyed on the weak, and she was tired of being on the list of easy targets.
He squinted his eyes at her.
“They have a couple more hours of school, don’t they?”
She pulled her lip between her teeth and lowered her eyes as she wrung her hands together.
“Yes, but it’s a nice day out today. I like sitting out here.”
He nodded, but it was like he thought she was silly for standing guard. He wasn’t stupid. He knew why she sat here. Everyone in town probably knew how paranoid, scared, and timid she was. People tended to talk down to her, or so softly as if even their voices might cause her to break down in tears. It was annoying, but it was her fault. I’m weak and everyone knows it.
“Well, it was nice seeing you.
Thank you for coming over and checking on me, but I’m fine.” She was shocked by the tone of her voice. Even she could hear the annoyance in her voice. She just needed him to walk away. This was new to her. Conversing with townspeople just being friendly on a nice sunny day in the park. So why am I shaking and feeling about ready to puke?
“Darlin’, what’s the attitude for?” he asked her, in that deep, sexy Texas accent that just seemed to shock her system. She snapped her head up and looked him over.
“Excuse me?”
“Your attitude? I was just being friendly and checking in on you to say hello. That’s what friends do,” he told her so firmly and with such authority she felt herself ease back into that controllable submissive role with the snap of a man’s firm tone of voice. She had a conversation with herself. A quick pep talk as her mind scrabbled to control the out-of-control sensations killing her small resolve to appear stronger. One encounter with Deputy Cason Parks, retired military man, and she was losing her fist battle of feeling capable of conducting herself like a strong, friendly member of the community.
Get a grip, Cora. She straightened back her shoulders. She gulped. “I appreciate you doing your job.”
He shook his head. And then looked out at the water, then back toward her again. He had a smirk on his face. His smug expression made something click in her belly. So what that he looked so damn attractive standing there with one hand resting on the butt of his gun and the other on his utility belt right next to the handcuffs and other gadgets police carry?
She felt that edge of intimidation and also annoyance. He thought she was a pushover. He was up to something. What the hell does he want from me? There were dozens of young women in Pearl who practically threw themselves at him, Avery, and Asher. Leave me alone. Just let me be alone and be safe from feeling anything that brings on this anxiety.