Letting Go of the Pain Read online

  “You’ll let me help you,” he said firmly.

  Damn, he was just as hard and commanding as Steve, if not more so. She grabbed onto his forearms, and when he went to set her feet down, he kept her close. Her body slid against his, and then he held her there a second.

  “It was a nice surprise bumping into you again, Lauren. Next time you go jogging, maybe bring someone along, jog in a more public location like the high school track that’s monitored, or get in touch with me and I’ll go along with you.”

  “I’ll be just fine. Thank you for the ride.”

  “And the massage?” He gave her hip a squeeze as he released her.

  She lowered her eyes and felt her heated cheeks.

  “See you soon.” He watched her walk along the walkway, her calf still aching, and she glanced over her shoulder and he was staring at her. She gave a wave, and he nodded, firm, serious, sexy as anything, and she didn’t know what she was going to do. She was attracted to him, as well, but common sense warned her that soldiers were nothing but trouble, and the last thing she needed was to fall back under control of one or more. She didn’t trust or believe in ménage relationships. As much as she hoped Thylane’s was true and would last, she didn’t really think it would. Men wanted control of women in every way, and eventually Thylane, and her friends who were in ménage relationships, would get their hearts broken. Lauren didn’t think a man could ever love her truly, never mind more than one.

  As she climbed the stairs to head to her apartment, she thought about that. What had she done wrong? What had she done to actually

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  make Logan hurt her the way he did and Connor too? Could she have said or done anything differently? Were all men, especially those in ménages, so controlling and possessive out of fear that a woman could love one of them more than the other or show favoritism? She didn’t know the answers to any of these questions. She just knew that she’d given her heart and soul to Logan and Connor and they’d stomped on them. They’d used her, abused her, and because of the burn mark under her breast, the scar, they would be a constant reminder, a symbol that maybe she just couldn’t be loved by a man or good enough for a man or sexy and beautiful enough to keep a man happy, faithful and kind.

  Tears filled her eyes, and her heart ached. She knocked on the door, knowing that one of her sisters were home to open it so she didn’t need to bring a key. Avana opened the door, and she said hello and started telling her about dinner and things, and Lauren nodded and then said she would take a shower. As she disappeared into her bedroom, she thought about Steve and Mink and knew they were ten times stronger, more commanding, more capable than Logan and Connor ever had been, and that kind of realization had her promising to keep up the walls and not fall for the men’s charms. She wouldn’t survive being abused, beaten, whipped, and even burned. No, she wouldn’t. Those were nightmares she still lived with, and she didn’t need new ones. She had to be smarter than today. Mink was right.

  Anyone other than him could have come along and tried something or even hurt her. Anyone?

  * * * *

  It was kind of busy at Happy Endings, and a few men came into the place browsing around. Lauren got an uneasy feeling since she didn’t recognize these men who arrived, and when they approached the front counter and area that was set up like a coffee bar, she put on her friendly smile even though her heart was racing.

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  “Afternoon, gentlemen, what can I get ya?” she asked.

  One of the three men smiled at her, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

  Instead those dark, brown eyes swept over her body, and he licked his lips.

  The other two took seats at the counter and looked at the display case.

  “We heard about your pies, darling, but damn, there isn’t anything that doesn’t look good around here.” The other guy looked at the display of treats and then up at her. He now looked her over.

  “That’s an understatement,” the first guy said, his eyes glued to her and not the treats. She felt uneasy, nervous, but she knew that Steve was in the back with Philippe and Channing, and Bo was right in the main area talking to customers and helping with books and things.

  She cleared her throat. She needed to be strong and to act like she wasn’t scared. Too many people noticed a scared person around here.

  “Well, take your time. How about some coffee while you decide?”

  They rambled off what they wanted to try, and she went about making the coffee, their eyes on her as she turned away to prepare them.

  “How about samples, darling? You giving out any samples?” the first guy, who couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of her, asked her as she placed down the coffees.

  She had a feeling he wasn’t talking about the treats, but about her.

  She ignored him and acted like she wasn’t getting his flirtatious comments.

  “I guess if you want to try a piece of brownie I can cut one up.”

  “Oh yeah, they look so good,” the other guy said, and she got one out from the display and placed it down onto a place and cut it up for them to try. She then placed a piece on a napkin and gave it to each man, but when she went to place down the one in front of the guy who kept watching her, he put his hand over hers, and she gasped.

  Her eyes widened.

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  “What’s your name, sweet thing?”

  She gulped, felt her throat close up and tears fill her eyes. It was instant. The feel of a man’s hard hand holding hers brought on the fears, the concerns and memories of her past.

  She pulled her hand free.

  “Lauren.” He squinted at her and then chuckled low and looked at his buddies, who now looked at her with expressions she wasn’t liking. In fact, she started to look around for Bo or one of the men.

  “Well, you are gorgeous, Lauren, and look as sweet as these here treats. You’re new to town, right?” he asked, and she nodded but then looked to the left and saw Steve standing there with Philippe. He looked pissed off as usual.

  “Well, I would love to show you around town, maybe introduce you to the ways of Repose. A beautiful, shy, young thing like you needs protection.” The guy reached out and stroked her arm. She pulled back.

  “She has protection.” Steve walked closer, and she noticed Philippe’s expression change and then his lip curl slightly as he approached, too.

  The guy nodded toward them and then eyed her over.

  “I’ll take one of your cherry pies. I want to see if it’s as sweet as I think.” He gave her body the once-over.

  The others ordered, too, and she got them what they ordered, and then they paid her. As she put the money into the register and then walked toward the side, Steve took her hand, and she gasped. He reached up, cupped her cheek, and stared down into her eyes.

  “You’re okay. I got your back.”

  It was odd, yet exactly what she seemed to need to hear. It was like he was a friend watching out for her. A man she felt comfortable talking to. She nodded.

  “I’m okay.”

  He gave a soft smile.

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  “I was going to head out, but I think I’ll have one of those coffees with the hazelnut and cinnamon you were preparing earlier when I arrived. It smelled so good.”

  She smiled. “Okay, Steve. I’ll get it,” she whispered, and Philippe was right there.

  “All good, honey?” he asked, and she glanced at Steve and then back at Philippe.

  “All good.” She went to prepare the coffee.

  * * * *

  Steve kept his eyes on the men who’d come in here flirting and being very forward with Lauren. He didn’t like it or the jealous angry feeling he had. He shouldn’t be feeling this way. Hadn’t he just told his brothers, his team, that there wasn’t anything between him and Lauren? That he looked at her as a friendly face, as someone
he felt comfortable talking to?

  He was leaving for the wake and funeral for their old military buddy who’d been killed by these assholes who were being hunted down. He hated funerals. He didn’t want to go, mostly because it might set his mind back to the somber thoughts in his head and feelings wondering why he lived and couldn’t have just died out there in the fucking shithole he was held up in.

  “Bo won’t be happy if you start tossing men through windows and into walls in her new place,” Philippe whispered to him as he took the seat next to Steve.

  Steve hadn’t realized that he was in a dead stare at the guy who was flirting with Lauren. Hell, the guy was too busy checking out Lauren’s ass in the slim-fitting skirt she wore. She looked good, sexy, beautiful, yet classy. She was conservative and didn’t dress like a woman on the prowl, not that he couldn’t imagine her in a sexy, painted-on dress, high heels, and garters. Fuck.

  He turned away and exhaled.

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  Philippe chuckled.

  “Damn fucking crazy the way it hits ya out of left field,” Philippe stated, and Steve looked at him squinting, not getting his comment.

  Philippe snorted. “The instant feelings of possessiveness, protectiveness, and jealousy at seeing other men want what you want.”

  Lauren approached and set his coffee down in front of him and a homemade ice tea in front of Philippe.

  “Did you want anything to snack on?” she asked, and Steve stared at her aqua-blue eyes and then her thin, feminine neck and the blouse she wore that showed off a bit of deep cleavage.

  He imagined his lips pressing against her neck, taking a taste of her, then her jaw and even her lips. He inhaled her scent, that shampoo he would love to inhale again as he held her and ran his palm along her curves and maybe cupped one of her full, round breasts. He felt heated, shocked at his line of thinking and the idea of snacking on her. Fuck.

  “I think I’m good for now.” He forced the words from his lips.

  Philippe smiled. “Me, too. I’ve been eating more than my share of your baking. It is amazing, Lauren.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Hey, honey, I’d like to order something to go.” The guy who had been flirting with Lauren called out to her as his buddies got up from the seat and put tips in her tip jar.

  She looked uneasy, and Steve didn’t like it at all. She walked over.

  “What can I get you?”

  He eyed her over, and Steve wanted to stand up, but Philippe stopped him.

  “We’re both right here. Easy soldier.”

  Steve needed that because his temper was so damn short he thought about smashing the guy’s face in.

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  “I bet your cookies are de-licious. How about you pack me up a dozen and write your phone number on the box. Maybe we can meet up somewhere and get to know one another better. I can show you around.” He pulled out a twenty-dollar bill and put it down on the counter.

  Lauren bent to get a box under the counter, ignoring his last comment, and then started placing the cookies in the box for him.

  Apparently knowing the right amount, she sealed up the box and then took the twenty dollars, went to the register, and then came back with his change.

  “You forgetting something?” he asked and winked.

  “I’m not interested.” She then glanced at Steve.

  Steve eyed the guy over, and the guy took the box and smirked.

  “That your boyfriend?” he asked her, and her face flushed.

  “No. I’m just not interested.”

  “Hmm. Till next time, sugar.” He winked.

  Steve noticed the guy was about the same height as him but had more fat than muscle. In fact, the man could seriously hurt a woman any size but especially one as feminine and thin as Lauren. He stood up, and so did Philippe.

  “Easy,” Philippe whispered, and Steve just gave the guy the stare-down as he walked out with his buddies, chuckling.

  “Assholes,” Steve whispered, and Philippe nodded but then walked away. Steve walked closer to Lauren and could see she was shaking. He reached out and took her hand. She gasped but held his gaze, and she didn’t pull back.

  “You okay?”

  She nodded but then shook her head.

  He chuckled.

  “It’s all right. You handled it well. Don’t let any man ever intimidate you. Stay firm in your expression and your tone of voice.

  They’ll realize fast that you aren’t weak.”

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  She held his gaze, looking way up at him. It was another realization of how much smaller she was in comparison. She wasn’t too short. Maybe five feet five, but he was six feet three, so everyone seemed short to him.

  “You think I looked and sounded weak?” she asked.

  “No. You were a little shaky, I’m not going to lie, but you stated that you weren’t interested.”

  He stared at her lips and then felt her relaxing as he still held her hand.

  “So you think everything I said and did sounded good, would make him leave me alone?”

  He stared at her gorgeous aqua-blue eyes, and goddamn, his body reacted. To her fragility, her femininity, and her gorgeous, sweet face.

  “The only thing you should have done when he asked you if I was your boyfriend was to say yes, not no.”

  Her eyes widened, and he quickly added, “It would have helped to keep him away.”

  “I don’t think he’ll come back, and I don’t like to lie.”

  “Even to keep you out of danger?”

  “You and Philippe were right here.”

  “What if we weren’t?”

  “I don’t know,” she said after a moment’s pause.

  “Exactly.”

  “But you aren’t my boyfriend.”

  He stared at her lips. “I’m a friend though.”

  “A friend?”

  “Seems to me we could both use one,” he said without hesitation.

  She gave a nod and a small smile.

  “So, friend, how is your coffee?” she asked, and he released her hand even though he didn’t want to.

  He needed to. This was crazy what he was feeling. Then, to top it off, he’d basically told her they were friends. Fuck, he didn’t think of

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  her as a friend when he looked at her body, at that smile, and fantasized about her in bed at night. Fuck.

  He took a sip. “Not hot.”

  Her eyes widened, and she reached for it.

  “I’ll fix that. It’s my fault. You were having my back.” She blushed as she took the cup away, and he watched her re-make his coffee. He couldn’t help but want to smile, but he fought it, shocked that this little woman made him feel so much. What the fuck was he thinking?

  * * * *

  “What the hell went down? Is she okay?” Bo asked Philippe in a whisper from the back room. Philippe chuckled.

  “More than okay. Looks like Steve and Lauren are attracted to one another.”

  “What? Oh God no, that would be disastrous, right?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He’s a soldier, number one, number two, from what you’ve all said and what I heard, Steve is into crazy dangerous shit and his team, too. Explosives, off-the-wall missions, and I heard they think he has a death wish he’s so outrageous.”

  Philippe nodded.

  “All true, but he’s on a little reprieve. He had a bad mission and nearly died. He hasn’t quite been the same, and his brothers-in-arms have been concerned for him.”

  “Wonderful. You mean like he could lose his mind and go postal?” she asked.

  “No, I mean he’s not himself. Angry all the time, short fused, confrontational, and to be honest, I thought he was going to put each of those guys through the walls or the windows.”

  “Oh God, that would be all I needed.”

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  Philippe chuckled and pulled her close. He ran his hand along her ass.

  “Honey, he kept his shit together. He looked at Lauren, had her back, was ready to defend her honor, and I knew that expression immediately.”

  She smiled softly and looked up into his eyes.

  “What expression would that be?”

  “Possessiveness, desire, an attraction so great a man would do crazy shit to protect that woman with his life.”

  “Oh God, really? You saw that? You think it could be a positive?”

  “Honey, that team of men, Steve, Panther, Eddie, and Mink, are some of the roughest, toughest, badass MF’s I have ever met and known. It won’t be an easy process. Hell, they’ll fight it tooth and nail I think, but it only takes one special woman, one moment of acceptance for her to infiltrate those walls and declare permanent possession.”

  “But what about Lauren accepting that? She had been in a ménage and was abused. This is complicated.”

  “Falling in love with you was complicated, too, but the power of it defied all odds. If it’s meant to be more, none of them will be able to fight it.” He chuckled.

  “What?”

  “It’s going to be hell for them, absolute hell.” He then suckled against her neck as he squeezed her ass and made her giggle and swat at his shoulder.

  Bo needed to call Thylane.

  * * * *

  Steve stuck around for over an hour just talking to Lauren. She felt comfortable conversing with him, and maybe because he said he was a friend and had her back, she wasn’t certain. The more they talked though, the more she started to feel giddy inside, and it

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  concerned her. She had been hurt by two men. Soldiers who were supposed to be her protectors, whom she’d loved with all her heart.

  “So what do you do exactly for Sons of Justice, or am I not allowed to ask?” she asked him.