Letting Go of the Pain Read online

  He squinted at her and then leaned back and rubbed his hands on his thighs.

  “I can tell you some of it. Currently I’m helping out with artillery operations, things like getting inside of a facility’s main power source area and destroying their lines of communication, their power sources, blowing shit up, or defusing bombs and things like that.”

  She was impressed but also figured something like that took guts.

  It had to be super dangerous. She swallowed hard.

  “That sounds dangerous.”

  “It is, but since my main position involves explosives, it isn’t too bad and kind of a few steps back from what I’m used to handling.”

  “Explosives?” She widened her eyes, looked around them, but no one was near the counter. People were spread out inside the various nooks and other comfortable seating, reading books and lost in them.

  “I know a lot about explosives, about making them, creating special types for specific infiltration and destruction. I even know about disarming them, and it takes a steady hand and lots of patience.”

  “Sounds insane.”

  He narrowed his eyes at her and sat forward. “I’m not crazy.

  There’s nothing wrong with my head. I’m good at it. I don’t have any fears,” he snapped at her, but low, and then looked around them, ran his fingers through his crew-cut hair.

  She was shocked at her reaction. She felt intimidated but also affected by his reaction. She’d insulted him somehow and didn’t know how.

  “I didn’t mean to sound insulting. I wasn’t calling you insane, I was calling the job insane. That type of responsibility and danger, I

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  wouldn’t even be able to be in the same room with explosives. Hell, I can’t even touch a gun,” she admitted and didn’t know why.

  He squinted at her. “You should learn to.”

  “To what?” she asked.

  “To touch a gun, to shoot one and handle it.”

  She shook her head. “No.”

  “Why not?”

  She licked her lower lip. He followed it with his dark blue eyes, which were so serious and like ice.

  “It’s empowering. It gives you a sense of control and confidence.”

  “I don’t want to shoot anyone or anything for that matter. Guns scare me, Steve.”

  She turned away and then looked around them and out toward the gardens in the back.

  “Hey.”

  She didn’t look at him right away.

  “Look at me, Lauren,” he said firmly but low.

  She did right away. It surprised her. He squinted, and she wrung her hands together.

  “It’s okay to be scared. Guns can be very intimidating. Yes, they do kill, but knowing how to handle one, to use one, can make the difference between living and dying. It can stop someone from trying to hurt you just by you being able to aim and point it in defense. It doesn’t need to be scary. It can be fun, too. There are targets to hit and different distances to test and challenge your capabilities. Have you ever heard of Lake Friedman? It’s not far from town. It’s a great camping area and way in the depth of the woods is a shooting range as well as obstacle training course.”

  “I didn’t know that.”

  “Maybe I’ll take you there and help you overcome this fear you have of guns.”

  She shook her head. Her heart hammered inside of her chest. She wouldn’t go anywhere with a man she didn’t know, friend or not. She

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  shouldn’t have even gotten into the truck with Mink, but he had been so nice, and she felt like she could trust him for the ride. She felt that same level of trust with Steve, but she knew better than to lead him on and to believe they could be more than friends. She was so scared of guns, of soldiers, of confronting her fears. She stepped back.

  “I have things going on anyway,” he told her, sounding insulted.

  “What things?” she asked.

  He looked away and then exhaled. “A wake and funeral for a friend.”

  “A soldier?”

  “Yes.”

  “He died serving somewhere?”

  “On a mission. Anyway, my brothers and I know him well, and so we’re going.”

  “Your brothers?”

  “My team, my family.”

  “But not biological brothers?” she asked.

  “We’re as close as brothers, if not closer. We don’t need blood to bind us. It’s different and hard to explain.”

  “Try to.”

  He tilted his head and squinted at her. She swallowed and then moved closer.

  “My cousin Thylane is involved with Stack, Finlin, Pisces, and Rusty. I’ve watched them interact together, and it’s different. I worry about Thylane.”

  “Because they’re soldiers she’s in love with?” Steve asked.

  “Because they’re so close. They were a team, a family like you describe between you and your brothers. What happens when the relationship fails?” she asked.

  “Fails? Why would you think it would fail?”

  “I hope it doesn’t, but if it did, what happens? I mean isn’t there any jealousy? Who decides who controls what’s going on in the relationship? Does that one man who is the leader in the military as

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  head of the team manipulate and dictate to the others what happens and when?”

  “What are you even talking about?” he asked, looking shocked at her or as if she were stupid.

  What didn’t she get? Was she wrong about how ménages work?

  She knew first-hand that Logan was more powerful and commanding than Connor. That Logan gave the orders and stated what happened when and what Connor did to her. He demanded respect, obedience, and when he got angry with her and struck her, he ordered Connor to follow and dish out a second round of discipline. She shivered, and he reached out and stroked her arm, shocking her, and as she went to pull back, he grabbed her hand.

  “You have it all wrong.”

  But what she was feeling with his hand covering hers and his eyes locked onto hers was too much for her to process and accept.

  Especially because she felt that same strong, deep attraction to Mink.

  She wondered if Steve knew that she and Mink had met again and that he’d driven her home. Wouldn’t he have mentioned it? Should she, or would he get angry, jealous, or maybe think she was interested in both of them and pursuing some sort of relationship? Oh this was bad. So very bad.

  He stroked her wrist, sending waves of desire through her body.

  She knew he could feel her shaking.

  “Don’t fear me, Lauren. Please, don’t fear me,” he whispered, and she felt so much.

  Her gut clenched, and her heart ached for him. It seemed to her that Steve was suffering in some way, too. That maybe whatever it was he’d gone through and was trying to get over affected him and his relationship with other people. His comments came back to mind. His snappy tone earlier when she said his job sounded insane and dangerous. He reacted, saying that he wasn’t insane. She was concerned. Soldiers who experienced war, combat, intense

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  experiences could have issues like posttraumatic stress or violent tendencies.

  She didn’t want to fear him. She liked talking to him, and conversation came easy.

  “I’m not afraid of you, per se. It’s more your profession that scares me. I’m like this with all soldiers.”

  He took a deep breath and exhaled. He looked down at her hand he held in his and stroked it. Then he looked into her eyes again and her lips. Why she wondered what a kiss from him might feel like, and a hug, she didn’t know, and that wasn’t smart thinking at all.

  “That’s understandable considering that hostage situation and the violence of your past relationship with soldiers.”

  Her eyes widened. So he knew about Logan and Connor?
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  She pulled her hand back and rubbed them on her skirt.

  “Hey, I don’t know everything. I only know bits and pieces.”

  “So that’s supposed to make me feel better? That you know I was taken hostage but that they were my boyfriends? That I was involved in a ménage relationship with two soldiers who did things, said things that I may never get over? So what? You feel sorry for me? You think I’m easy prey? What?” she asked, whispering to him and feeling emotional. He grabbed her hand and slid it up her arm, squeezing and pulling her closer. She gasped, lips parted, and held his gaze.

  “Hell no. I like you. I like talking to you, I think you get me and what I’m going through, and I get you and the pain, the betrayal you feel. We can be friends, Lauren. I sure could use one.”

  She was shocked, and as he released her, she nodded her head.

  Thank God a customer came walking over in need of some coffee.

  She pulled back and smiled at the man and then got him what he needed. The man started asking her some questions about the place and where he could find a certain subject in books. She smiled and conversed, noticing Steve watching her and then pulling out his cell phone to answer a text. The guy walked away, and Steve stood up.

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  “I have to go. We’ll talk again soon. I’ll come visit and maybe make plans?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “You’re welcome here any time, but other than that, I can’t Steve. I’m sorry, but it isn’t a good idea.”

  “Friends first. I think we can both help one another and just enjoy talking. I’ll see you again real soon.”

  “Good-bye.” She watched him go. She looked over his body in the snug-fitting jeans, his wide shoulders, that crew-cut hair and sweet, sexy face of his, and oh boy, she didn’t want to be his damn friend.

  She knew she couldn’t stand by, hang out with him, and see women flirt, grab onto him, and make moves. She couldn’t be his friend. It would never work. What the hell had she gotten herself involved with here? What?

  * * * *

  Eddie met with Jed and Jaret Holmes at the sheriff’s department.

  They were pulling together some information on a man who’d worked with Lou Lambert a few years back. Apparently he was involved in a shootout with local police and was killed. Jed and Jaret were getting information from that local police department on what the guy was running from and what he had on him. The laptop he had and information on his phone put him in touch with Lambert and phone numbers they didn’t have. They could lead to a location where Pachessa was. They were all working together on the down-low to find Pachessa and Lambert.

  If this panned out, it could lead them closer to finding them and ending this shit.

  As he headed out of the sheriff’s department, his eyes landed on a woman, and the second she appeared to need some assistance, he jumped into action. The closer he got, the more beautiful she appeared, and he couldn’t believe how instantly his body reacted, as well. Holy shit, she’s gorgeous.

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  * * * *

  Lauren was running late. She wanted to stop into the florist to grab some flowers for Thylane before meeting her sisters at Thylane’s men’s house for dinner. She was looking at the bouquet thinking her sister would love the yellow roses and baby’s breath. Maybe Lauren had picked the yellow ones because she happened to be wearing a yellow, waist-length sweater with a camisole underneath, a pair of jet-black pants and heeled boots. She had run home to change after work, not wanting to wear sneakers and the casual attire she had on. She sniffed the roses and was walking to her car when she dropped her keys, but they got stuck in one of the side water drains that happened to line the walkway of the florist storefront. She bent down and tried to pull them out and couldn’t.

  “Need some help?”

  She looked up. The sound of a deep, hard tone nearly made her loose her balance, but a strong hand gripped her arm and pulled her up. Still standing at her full height, the man before her was over a foot taller.

  “Uhm, I think I can get it.”

  He stared into her eyes and then at the flowers. “Let me help.

  They look stuck good,” he said as if annoyed at her for dropping them into the drain. Like she did it on purpose? What was with the attitude?

  She looked around them, making sure there were people around in case this mean, older man tried something. “How the hell did you do this?” he asked her.

  “I don’t know. I just lost my grip on them while I was looking at the roses. Are they stuck good? Should I call someone?”

  “Who ya gonna call?” he asked her. “They won’t be able to do more than I can. I think I got them.”

  She stared at him. The big, wide shoulders, dark blue shirt, blue jeans, cowboy boots, and scruff along his cheeks. She saw a tattoo on

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  his neck and cringed. Was he some kind of gang member? Oh God.

  She took a step back.

  “Got them,” he said triumphantly and stood up. She stared up into his deep blue eyes, and he stared down into hers. He held her keys.

  “Maybe be more careful the next time.” He held the keys in his palm out to her. She gripped the flowers tightly and took the step closer to reach for the keys. She held his gaze. He squinted.

  “Those are nice flowers. Who are they for?”

  “My sister.” She took the keys from him. Like a lot of the men around Repose, he was good looking, but there was a hardness about him, and it wasn’t just from the scruff along his cheeks or that tattoo on his neck. Damn, that must have hurt. Maybe he liked pain. On himself or to inflict it? She shivered and stepped back. Something made her gut clench.

  “I hope she likes them.” He just stared at her lips and then into her eyes.

  “Me, too. Thanks for the help.”

  He nodded, and she started to walk away. As she did, she couldn’t resist looking back over her shoulder. Sure enough, he stood there watching her and then shook his head and walked the other way, as if he was shocked or maybe affected by her. Could he have been? She really needed to be more careful walking around this town. It was like men were watching her, maybe getting ready to stake a claim. She shook her head, got into her car, and quickly headed to Thylane’s men’s house.

  * * * *

  Eddie watched her go. The gorgeous brunette with the aqua-blue eyes. It hit him out of nowhere. He was walking down the block from the sheriff’s department after dropping off a thumb drive to Cesar and talking to Jed and Jaret when he spotted a beautiful woman in a yellow sweater carrying yellow flowers. Her figure caught his eyes, as

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  well. The round ass, thin, long thighs in black jeans and short-heeled boots. Her hair cascaded down her back midway, and when she turned and dropped her keys, fumbling with them, he sprang into action.

  What he hadn’t expected was those gorgeous aqua-blue eyes or how he was instantly attracted to her. The sweater she wore gaped open as he assisted getting her keys out of the drain.

  She didn’t seem to notice that the camisole she wore dipped, as well, giving him a nice view of her breasts but also the smell of her perfume. He inhaled several times and tried to think of things to say, but he barked at her. He fucking barked. How long had it been since he flirted with a woman? Hell, usually he didn’t even have to flirt.

  Women threw themselves at him and the team. Fuck, she was sweet and looked sweet, too. Her tone of voice was calm, soft, and something clicked. Some kind of connection, and he didn’t know what. As he got her keys out and then asked who the flowers were for, hoping his brain would come up with another question, she replied, and there wasn’t anything else he could say. Not hey, want to stop for some coffee, or can I get your number? No, instead he thought about Steve and how he’d met a woman, Thylane’s sister, whom none of them but Mink had met. He didn’t know why, but with that
thought, he remembered that this wasn’t the time to go screwing around with some woman, never mind getting into a serious relationship. A woman that beautiful, that classy, and sweet was all commitment.

  He gripped the steering wheel and exhaled. Everything was changing around them. The team, their relationships. They were drifting apart, yet being around here, around all these ménage relationships, it made Eddie think of sharing a woman together. That maybe, just maybe, they would be so lucky as to find one they all were attracted to and wanted and could pursue. Was that insane thinking? They were military, active in Sons of Justice, and right now they could be in danger of being hunted. Not exactly a good time to start something with a woman.

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  He exhaled and thought about the one he just encountered. Aqua-blue eyes, long brown hair, abundant breasts, round, accentuated ass, hell, she was perfect and exactly what they were attracted to individually. He banged his hand on the steering wheel. I should have gotten her number or name at least. With his connections, he could easily find out who she was, especially with a name. Fuck.

  He put the truck in reverse then into drive before heading home.

  * * * *

  Thylane dried the dishes as Lauren washed them. Avana and Tiana were talking to Stack, Finlin, Pisces, and Rusty.

  “So, I heard some guy was bothering you at the café the other day and that Steve and Philippe were there.”

  Thylane saw Lauren’s eyes widen, and then she placed the last pot she washed onto the drying rack. Thylane was still drying the others.

  “It wasn’t a big deal. The guy was being a jerk and pushy.”

  “I know how uncomfortable you get around men you don’t know and military men, so how is that you’ve become friends with Steven?”

  she asked her.

  “He worked on some of the construction at the café, and, well, he stopped in.”