Letting Go of the Pain Read online

  “To see you?” Thylane asked. She was hoping that her cousin would tell her what was going on. Did she like Steve, was attracted to him? Did she know how dangerous he and his team were and that they were men part of Sons of Justice, which pretty much engaged in very dangerous missions?

  Lauren released a long sigh. She stared at her cousin.

  “I don’t know how it happened. Actually, I thought he was a jerk at first. Kind of abrupt and snappy, but knowing that he’s part of Sons of Justice and what your men engage in, I figured it was the stress of it all.”

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  “Probably, but I really don’t know him or anyone else in his team.”

  “Why would you mention his team? I don’t know them. I only met Steve, and he seems nice,” Lauren replied, on the defensive.

  Thylane stuttered a moment and then exhaled. “I just want to make sure that you aren’t feeling pressured or anything. That you understand not all soldiers or men around Repose want a committed relationship.”

  “I don’t want to get involved with any man or men. Jesus, Thylane, I haven’t been with anyone in three years. Three. It was hard enough not having a panic attack and not thinking about the abuse around a man like Steve. He’s big, has all those muscles, and a lot older than me. Do you seriously think that I would let down my guard and choose someone even crazier, more capable of causing me pain or killing me than Logan and Connor?” She raised her voice.

  “Honey, not all soldiers hit or use their capabilities on women. On their girlfriends,” Thylane said to her.

  “I know that. I truly know that, but my heart, my brain doesn’t allow me to accept that out of fear of being hurt badly again. You don’t know how bad it was. The words, the threats, the hurtful actions. You don’t.”

  “You never told anyone what was going on,” Avana said, joining them with Tiana.

  Thylane hoped her men remained in the other room. This was a long time coming and would be difficult enough having this discussion with anyone but Avana, Tiana, Thylane, and Lauren.

  Lauren turned toward them.

  “How could I?”

  “Easily, and maybe if we talked about it, when Ben struck me, tried to force himself on me, maybe I wouldn’t have felt so compelled to keep the fear and the pain inside,” Avana said to her.

  “So that’s my fault?” Lauren asked.

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  “No, of course not, but if we were stronger, closer, and truly trusted one another a lot of things could have gone down differently,”

  Avana said.

  “I think we’ve gotten closer. There’s no reason why we can’t look at the last three years as good reasons enough to be a family and to trust one another with whatever is going on,” Tiana said to them.

  “I trust all of you. I would do anything for each of you,” Thylane told them.

  “We know that, and you did risk so much for us, and even now you’ve been helping each of us find work, get our lives together so we can move on,” Tiana said.

  “I’m scared of what I’ve been feeling,” Lauren said to them. She looked toward the doorway being sure the men weren’t coming.

  “Scared why?” Tiana asked her.

  “It’s been three years. Will I ever let that guard down or feel confident enough, smart enough to even date or spend time with a man? I’m not sure I can. I’m not sure I’m a good judge of character.”

  “Well, you must sort of have feelings for Steve if you’re talking about spending time with a man. You haven’t even come close to possibly accepting dating,” Thylane said to her.

  “Steve who?” Avana asked, and Lauren explained.

  “He sounds super hot and sexy. Why not just ask Finlin, Stack, Pisces, and Rusty about him or even Cesar? They wouldn’t lie,”

  Avana said to her.

  Lauren looked at Thylane. “I don’t think there’s anything there. I mean aside from him intimidating me but also easy to talk to,” Lauren said.

  “There’s nothing wrong with being friends first. I told you how I met the guys and how I tried to ignore the feelings I had. Even when Finlin was in disguise, I felt comfortable with him. He seemed familiar. It was crazy, and I still don’t understand it, but there’s this indescribable sensation of safety, something familiar, trusting, and it

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  just got stronger and stronger the more time I spent with them,”

  Thylane explained.

  “So you think the same thing could be happening with me?”

  Lauren asked.

  “I don’t know, and like you said, you don’t know if you’re ready, but you do feel comfortable with Steve. So why not talk with him more, spend some time together?” Thylane suggested.

  “He’s part of a team?” Avana asked.

  “Yes,” Lauren said.

  “How many, and have you met them?” Tiana asked.

  “There’s three others, and I only met one, Mink his name was, and he was just as intense and stared at me, especially at my eyes.”

  “So he seemed interested too?” Tiana asked.

  “I don’t know. Maybe. God, I don’t think so, but even if I thought so, I would panic. I’ve been down that road before, I can’t risk the heartache, never mind the pain.”

  “Pain?” Tiana asked.

  “The abuse. The mean, commanding, controlling way men act and treat a woman they possess.”

  “That isn’t every relationship. You can’t think that every man, every soldier is going to be like Logan and Connor,” Thylane said to her.

  “I do though. It’s what I think, what I see when I look at your men, at other men, soldiers involved with your friends and other women. I look at them, and I wonder when your men are going to strike you, Thylane. When are they going to grab you roughly, make demands, punish, and then enforce their rules while inflicting pain?”

  Lauren said as tears rolled down her cheeks.

  “That’s what they did to you?” Tiana asked.

  “They punished you and inflicted pain? Like what? Smacked you, spanked you, what?” Avana asked.

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  “Sometimes their hands and other times a belt or whatever they felt could get their point across and was in reach. Belts were easily accessible,” Lauren said, and Thylane gasped and covered her mouth.

  “Bastards,” Avana whispered.

  Lauren walked across the room to the kitchen table. “I can remember getting home late. I couldn’t call because my battery died on my cell phone. It was old, and I just hadn’t had time to go get a new one, and I thought I had more time. I got home, and Logan raged.

  He shook me so hard my head spun. I cried and begged him to stop, but he didn’t. He ripped off my skirt all the while screaming at the top of his lungs into my ear, accusing me of cheating on him and Connor.

  Telling me how terrible of a girlfriend I was and how I was stupid. So stupid.” She cried.

  “No, no, Lauren don’t think that. Don’t let their words mean anything anymore,” Avana said.

  She looked at her with tears rolling down her cheeks.

  “He shoved me down on the table and slammed his hands on my backside so hard and fast I cried out. I begged for him to stop, and then Connor came in, and Logan told him he needed to punish me next and to make it good and make it sink in so that I would never be late again. That I would beg for forgiveness. So, as Logan held me down, gripped my hair and kept my cheek pressed hard to the table, Connor pulled off his belt and struck me over and over again. I still look at men’s belts and cringe.” She cried and wiped her eyes.

  Thylane, Avana, and Tiana were crying, too.

  “Bastards,” Tiana said.

  Lauren ran her hand along the kitchen table and then turned to face them and had her hand against her neck.

  “I was in the shop in town looking for sneakers, but I saw a rack of belts. A bunch of them,
similar to what I remember Logan and Connor having. I was shaking so hard. So damn hard, but I was determined to touch them. To just touch the damn things and prove that I don’t know, that it wasn’t the belts I needed to be afraid of. That

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  Connor and Logan are gone and can never hurt me. I wanted to touch just one, and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t have nightmares about that still.”

  “Aw, sweetie, did you touch them? Did it work?” Avana asked.

  Lauren looked at Thylane.

  “Just as I was about to touch one, Steve appeared. He asked if I was okay, as I knocked over some wallets that were next to the belts, and he made an excuse to the lady up front, and we cleaned up the wallets and then just talked. He waited while I paid for my sneakers, and we talked some more, and then Mink arrived, and I quickly made an excuse to leave.”

  “Wow, right at that moment he appeared as you were going to touch the belts. That’s crazy,” Avana said.

  “Crazier thing was, with him right there, I think I could have touched the belt. I could have faced the memories and fears I have.”

  “Holy shit,” Tiana said, and Thylane smiled softly.

  “Then you met him again and talked some more, and he showed up yesterday just to see you and talk.”

  “I think he knows at least part of what happened. About being held hostage.” She wiped her eyes.

  “It doesn’t matter. It’s all in the past, and all we can do now is move forward, Lauren. We can’t live in the past.”

  “I suppose not, Thylane, but I can’t move faster than I am. One day at a time. One conversation at a time and friends first.”

  “That’s a great way to start,” Tiana said.

  “Like tonight, all of us talking like this. We should do this more often,” Avana said.

  “We should have made plans to do this at our place. Your men are probably wondering what is going on in here,” Tiana said.

  “They know we needed this. That I need you three in my life and to spend time together. In fact, we should go out to dinner and maybe get drinks or something like we used to do,” Thylane said.

  “I don’t know,” Lauren stated.

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  “Yes, we should. How about the Filling Station on Friday? I’ve been dying to go there,” Tiana suggested.

  “Let’s do it. You ladies will love it, and you’ll love the eye candy, too,” Thylane said, and they chuckled.

  “Didn’t I just say I need slow?”

  “Lauren, you can go as slow as you need or as fast. Sometimes, when the right man or men come along, there’s no control over what happens. Fate steps in, and then all you can do is let go and ride it,”

  Thylane said.

  The ladies started laughing and cheering.

  “Did I hear that right?” Pisces asked, walking into the kitchen and coming up behind Thylane. She gasped as the strong arm wrapped around her waist and his mouth landed on her neck.

  “Pisces, I hope you weren’t eavesdropping.”

  “Honey, I didn’t hear much but the words ride it, and my mind went in a thousand directions.” He lifted her up, turned her around, and kissed her.

  “I think that’s our cue to haul ass outta here,” Tiana said, and she, Lauren, and Avana chuckled as they prepared to leave.

  Pisces released Lauren’s lips. “Don’t go. He’s just being silly,”

  she said to him.

  “We need to get going. It’s late,” Avana said, and then Pisces set Thylane’s feet on the floor as his team joined them. They each hugged the ladies good-bye, and Thylane hugged Lauren tight.

  “Take your time and follow your gut. Even though it’s been out of use, you’d be surprised at exactly how accurate it is,” Thylane said, and Lauren smiled then hugged her before she, Avana, and Tiana headed out of the house.

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  Chapter Four

  “I have eyes on them. They all showed up,” Mario said into his cell phone.

  “Excellent. Are the men in position?” Pachessa asked.

  “Yes, and you’ll never guess who else is here.”

  “Don’t play games with me, Mario. I’m paying you top dollar for this. To monitor all of them and find out how we can hurt them the most.”

  “That’s exactly what I am going to do. I need some time, but I think there’s someone on the inside who can be a total asset to our cause. Someone who owes you a favor.”

  “Take care of it. I have to get the ball rolling on something else.

  Keep me posted and make sure those men don’t get caught. I want everything on all our targets. That way, when the time comes, we strike hard.”

  “Got it.” Mario ended the call. He watched through binoculars as the funeral procession continued into the gravesite. So many uniforms, so many branches of military, government, and law enforcement. He wished he could kill them all, just blow everyone up right here and massacre every single American.

  He couldn’t though. Instead he made sure his men had their eyes on their targets and prepared to follow them. In a week he would get a full update. In fact, these men were so good he could find out when each target took a piss. He smirked. He was going to love seeing Panther suffer before he died, and his team, as well, and their friends and associates and anyone else who pissed him off. He chuckled and then exhaled. It was going to work out perfectly.

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  * * * *

  They were all somber and in pissed-off moods. Even their friends were, who now joined Panther and the team at the Filling Station after the funeral. Panther looked at Steve and Eddie as they stood next to one another drinking beers with J.T., Cole, Farrow, and Luke. Stack, Pisces, Rusty, and Finlin were just past them at the end of the bar and closer to the dining area. That was when Panther saw Thylane and five other women coming from the back room.

  He was watching them, all very attractive women, and saw Rusty head toward Thylane and kiss her then wrap an arm around her waist and walk all of them toward the bar a few feet from where he and Mink were. Immediately Panther’s eyes locked onto one of the women who wore a blue off-the-shoulder blouse, had on a pair of tight black jeans that accentuated her ass, and high-heeled boots. Her long brown hair fell to nearly mid back, and when she shyly looked up at Finlin as he said something to her, Panther saw her aqua-blue eyes, and then she looked right at him.

  It was like a sucker-punch to his stomach, and apparently it shocked him so much that he had a scowl on his face. She turned away, and Mink gave his shoulder a push.

  “That’s Lauren, Thylane’s cousin, and the one Steve and I met.”

  Panther was shocked and speechless.

  “I know, she’s hot and sweet at the same time,” Mink said to him.

  She and two other women started to walk by when Mink and Panther looked at her. She looked away and pushed her hair behind her ear just as Steve said her name and got up off the stool. Eddie did the same.

  “Hey, how are you?” Steve asked Lauren, and she looked way up at Steve and smiled.

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  “Good, how are you?” she asked, but Panther noticed that she looked at Eddie sort of squinting, and then Eddie had a smirk on his face.

  “I’ve been better.”

  “Are you okay? Was it terribly upsetting?” she asked, obviously knowing about the funeral. Steve looked at him and Mink.

  “Who are your friends?” Mink asked her, but his eyes were on Lauren, who didn’t seem to know who to look at, Steve or Eddie.

  “Oh, sorry, these are my sisters. This is Avana and Tiana.” She introduced them, and Eddie and Steve said hello, and then so did Mink then Panther.

  “You met Mink, and this is Eddie, and this is Panther.” Steve introduced him and reached his hand out for her to shake.

  “So you’re Lauren. This just got real interesting,” Eddie said
and licked his lower lip.

  “What?” Steve asked.

  “The woman with the yellow flowers who dropped her keys last night,” Eddie said, smiling and checking her out. Panther squinted as Steve narrowed his eyes and Lauren blushed and shook her head.

  “That could have been a worse situation. They could have gone completely down the drain.”

  “I had it handled, didn’t I?” Eddie asked.

  “What are you talking about?” Mink asked before Steve could.

  Panther watched not only Lauren’s reaction to all of them but he also saw his team’s reaction to her. His heart began to race.

  “I met Lauren the other night coming out of the florist. She dropped her keys as she was carrying a bouquet of beautiful yellow flowers that matched the sweater she was wearing,” Eddie told them She held Eddie’s gaze. “It was the stupidest thing really, but you helped me. Are you friends with Steve?” she asked Eddie. He looked at Steve and then back at her.

  “The four of us are a team,” Eddie said to her, eyeing her body over.

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  “Oh,” she whispered and then looked away a moment. She seemed hesitant but did so just as her sisters were grabbed by Brazille and another woman.

  “We’ll be back. We need the ladies’ room desperately,” one of the other women said and they headed off.

  Panther couldn’t believe what he felt. She said something to her sister and Brazille about meeting them in the ladies’ room just as a crowd of guys moved near her, walking by to get to the bar. Panther stepped forward, and then as a group of guys walked by him, Eddie and Steve pulled her closer, each taking a hand and between them to get her out of the way. She looked over her shoulder as some guy looked at her ass and then went to place his hand on her hip as if pretending to stop from bumping into her on his way to the bar and near them, but Mink stepped in the way and blocked the guy. Panther placed his hand on her lower back. The scent of her shampoo attacked his nostrils and something happened. The way all four of them touched her, protected her at once, shocked the shit out of him. He didn’t know what to think or to do as he stepped back, the sensations foreign, yet effective. She was gorgeous, young, so fucking young, and holy shit, did she have a great body, too.